Further proof that the Kinect ruins everything

We were going to get Kinect Star Wars.  Actually, we were somewhat excited.  We heard good things about the pod-racing, and let’s face it we’re Star Wars nerds so the whole idea of Star Wars is also bait for the perfect trap.

No level of nerdom could have prepared us for this, though.

Sing it with me now.

I’m feelin’ like a star.
You can’t stop my shine.
I’m lovin’ Cloud City
My head’s in the sky.
I’m Solo, I’m Han Solo
I’m Han Solo

(Entire lyrics below)

I hate myself for knowing the words.

There are also Stormtroopers dancing to “It’s great to be in the YMCA Empire today!” and Twi’lek slave girls who quote, “ain’t no hologram girl.”

Once again the Kinect proves worthless to gamers.  Penny-Arcade insinuates you may find enjoyment if you’re 7, but I question whether or not younglings enjoy the game or the simple act of swinging objects around a room without being told to stop playing swords in the house.

Bioware’s use of the Kinect is highly questionable, and their own self-praise is eyebrow-raising-odd.  The Kinect was used as a glorified microphone in Mass Effect 3.  Graev would cough and it would cast a biotic.  This should have never been tacked on, or at most been accomplished with the Xbox 360 headset.

In Kinect Disneyland Adventures the Kinect was actually, believe it or not, the worst part of an otherwise shockingly good game.  If I could have just sat in my La-Z-boy chair with a controller in-hand I would have loved roaming the park collecting Disney crap.

The only use we have for the Kinect now is a hands-free Netflix remote.  It only takes three or four times to get it to work.  “Xbox! PAUSE!”  “XBOX, Pause”  “xBOX, Pause”  “xbox pauSE”

I’m Han Solo Dance Lyrics

I’m feeling like a star,
You can’t stop my shine
I’m lovin’ Cloud City,
My head’s in the sky

I’m Solo, I’m Han Solo,
I’m Han Solo.
I’m Han Solo. Solo.

Yeah, I’m feelin’ good tonight,
Finally feeling free and it feels so right, oh.
Time to do the things I like,
Gonna see a Princess, everything’s all right, oh.

No Jabba to answer to,
Ain’t a fixture in the palace zoo, no.
And since that carbonite’s off me
I’m livin’ life now that I’m free, yeah.

Told me to get myself together
Now I got myself together, yeah.
Now I made it through the weather,
Better days are gonna get better.

I’m so happy the carbonite is gone.
I’m movin’ on.
I’m so happy that it’s over now.
The pain is gone.

I’m putting on my shades
To cover up my eyes
I’m jumpin’ in my ride,
I’m heading out tonight

I’m Solo, I’m Han Solo,
I’m Han Solo.
I’m Han Solo. Solo.

I’m picking up my blaster,
Put it on my side.
I’m jumpin’ in my Falcon
Wookie at my side.

I’m solo, I’m Han Solo,
I’m Han Solo.
I’m Han Solo. Solo.

  • I hated all these motion sensor controls from the day the Wii came out…

    The controls are horribly inaccurate and it’s pretty boring after about 5 mins of swinging your arms in the same 3 motions over and over. Only time I could see it being fun is for use in a mini-game group setting, where you can switch games after 5 minutes of play. Even then replay would be minimal…

    Just vote with your wallet and don’t buy it if you think these games suck.

  • Either

    A) I’m just getting too old.

    B) Game developers don’t just hate me, they loathe my very existence, they get physically sick at the very idea of me.

    C) When EA bought BioWare it caused a worm hole to form, transporting me to an alternate reality ruled by 7 year olds.

    No matter the reason. . .Mr. Lucas, I am officially no longer a Star Wars fan and may I say, with respect, Fuck you.

  • Now that Kinect Star Wars is out, I wonder what happened to that odd looking Fable (on rails)shooter? I am pretty sure nobody asked for a Star Wars dancing & singing game.

  • I’m in full agreement with Keen and all the posters so far. I am not even going to subject myself to the video.

  • lol, whatever. I waited in line outside Woodfield mall for Star Wars. My friend and I drew pictures of what we thought the Imperial Walkers would look like, in 5th grade, before Empire came out.

    y’all can get over yourselves, everyone who would have an issue with this. It’s funny as hell.

    Star Wars is fun, ok? It ain’t freakin’ Franz Kafka. Nothing to see here, move along 🙂

  • And I just gotta add, anything that gets chicks into SW is ok in my book. My gawd we’re nerdz.

  • This is so ridiculously bad it’s hilarious. This would have made an awesome SNL skit lol

  • Who the F@ck approves all this crap! If Lucas gets final approvals, just wow! I’m really at a loss for words here….

  • I guess I’m alone in thinking it’s a great idea…. I’m a father of two, and the thought of my two young ones stomping around the living room pretending to be rancors wrecking havoc on Mos Eisley…. dancing to Han Solo…. pod racing, etc… just sounds like pure win to me. Sounds like good family fun. That said, if the controlling is all fubar then i have little interest. How was the controlling for you keen?

  • @Thallis: I haven’t tried the Kinect Star Wars yet. Graev and I were both wanting to get it until the recent reviews of the controls being really bad and, well, the dancing and stuff.

    In every other Kinect game we’ve played, the controls have always been less than responsive. I can’t see myself ever enjoying the motion controls in a game until they are truly 1:1.

  • @keen: I agree about the kinect issues..there’s still more development needed on it to really shine. Sadly I feel consumers are paying for its’ beta testing. The response is just not there, I’ll stick with the move for motion controls for the time being…that is, when I even use motion controls 🙂

  • Hey Keen, have you heard anything about Eligium ?
    Its very first promotional point was
    -PvP combat and guild wars with hundreds of players.

    Think it can be any good ?

  • @Joy-Energiser: Unfortunately, I do not believe Eligium will be any good.

    – Free to play
    – cash shop
    – Companies making it haven’t released a AAA product.

    That’s all I need to know to stay away.

  • @Horror: Wow, thanks for that masochistic fecolith treat! I will now spread the pain to my friends 😛

  • Here’s a funny joke,

    If you’ve never seen the Star Wars Christmas Special (which doesn’t exist, by the way), just remember that Star Wars Kinect is fine with Lucas but the Christmas Special was so embarrassing that he tried to wipe it from existence. Imagine how low the bar must be to disappoint Lucas and then realize that the Christmas Special falls below that bar.