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Flappy Bird. I hate you. You too Lumosity. You creep me out!

flappy-birdI work in an office of gamers.  That is to say, my coworkers play games on their iPhones.  Five days ago one of my coworkers recommended I play this “super addicting game” called Flappy Bird.  Apparently she gets into a lot of arguments with her casual gamer boyfriend.  After witnessing one of their spats, I decided to download it on my lunch break to see what was worth all of the fuss.

You play as a Cheep Cheep rip off who must be guided by your well-timed tapping.  By tapping the screen you bounce your big-lipped-ripped-off-art-asset through sets of Mario pipes — more ripped off assets.  Since the hit box around the bird is so horribly big, getting anywhere near a pipe kills you instantly.  That’s the entire game.  See the screenshot to the right?  Yep, you’ve seen the entirety of Flappy Bird.

I walked into the break room today during lunch, heard 6 people talking about Flappy Bird, then promptly turned around and walked the other way.  My high score is 4.  I made it through 4 sets of pipes.  How this game — essentially full of asset theft — makes $50,000 a day is beyond my ability to comprehend.  Then again, here I am spreading the word to many of you who as a result have already finished your downloads.  *Shakes his fist* Flappy Bird!

the-game

“It’s your turn. Play the game, Wesley.”

Then there’s this game or neuroscience thing called Lumosity.  Everyone plays it.  They love it. All around the office people creepily walk up to you and ask, “Have you tried this great game? You should really try it out.”  No! Get away from me!  I don’t want your brain sucking game!

Perhaps it’s not quite as addicting as the version which nearly crippled the crew of the Enterprise.  My boss is already tired of the mini-games because they never change.  If only he knew the depth of the parallels I could draw between his experience and my own deeper more involved gaming experiences.  Anyway, in Lumosity you basically keep your brain active by playing games.  I do the same thing but in my games I’m an assassin and I stab people; I prefer it over math.

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Comments

  1. I always wanted to live in a world where everyone openly plays, enjoys, and shares games. I would’ve never anticipated one where that meant Candy Crush, Fappy Bird, or anything like them.

  2. Next we’ll see a mobile version of Progress Quest complete with pay walls.

  3. wufiavelli says:

    Luminosity is such a BS. It really doesn’t have any real academic studies backing it up. Most of the benefits you get from it are benefits you get from normal video game use anyhow.

    http://www.ironmanmode.com/archives/5736

  4. Mobile gaming appears to be the direct descendent of and replacement for Puzzle and Word Search magazines. Those were “games” too. Personally, when I’m on lunch-break or commuting I’d still rather read a book.

  5. Nintendo should sue

  6. A little bit of me dies inside as each of these games comes along and folks eat it up with all the zeal of a ravenous cultist. The most frustrating part is that they are so excited for games with so little substance. I guess it’s no different than a lot of folks taste in music, film, or whatever. Just one more sign of the dumbing down of society. =(

  7. Seems the game is actually getting pulled from online stores.
    http://www.joystiq.com/2014/02/08/flappy-bird-creator-to-pull-game-from-store/#comments

  8. Christopher Kandrat says:

    Could play it for about 20 mins then oh man. No more.. no more flappy bird.